Busy as a Lobster
Local chuds are spittin' mad.
Last couple days, I’ve been super-busy recording in the pod-studio, so I fell behind on checking out Facebook comments, DMs, tags and hate mail regarding “EXCLUSIVE: HOUSE GOP LEADER FINED $3,468 FOR CHILD LABOR LAW VIOLATIONS.”
A lot of the criticism of my reporting on House GOP leader Billy Bob Faulkingham was painful to read because the grammar, diction and spelling were atrocious. To the haters: I highly recommend the classic Strunk & White’s “Elements of Style” as a primer for effective written communication.
(Also, I deleted multiple comments that included threatened ass-whoopings, face-punches, death wishes and virulent wishes, hoping bad things to happen to me.)
Several critics have asked “How many lobster traps has this dude even hauled?” Well, none this year. Because I’m in the woods of western Maine, busy raising pigs, chickens and goats, plus felling, bucking, cutting and splitting ten cord of wood.
However, back in the early 1990s, after serving as a sailor in the U.S. Coast Guard fighting the “War on Drugs” and the “War on Haitian Refugees,” I spent two years as a sternman on Matinicus, Maine’s more remote inhabited island. Those were “pre-trap limit” days, so my captain(s) had about 1,100 traps in the water and we’d haul 250 to 300 traps a day (depending on the season), with a schedule of 3 days on, 1 day off, depending on the weather.
The trap limit, btw, was first instituted at 1000 traps per license in the mid-1990s, then reduced to the current number of 800 at the turn of the century. The government mandated limit on gear is the biggest reason there’s still a lobster industry remaining. Because, back in the olden days, some captains (fueled by cocaine AND Captain Morgan & Coke) would set a couple thousand traps and, with two sternman, haul from dawn to dusk, in order to capture as many bugs as possible.
Re: Lobster Boat captains. There are many competent and responsible people working in the industry. That said, like in any business, there are scumbuckets and con-artists. Laws are formulated, obviously, to prevent the latter group from raping the ocean floor and/or recklessly endangering others.
Re: Billy Bob Faulkingham’s claim that he’s the first Maine lobsterman ever targeted for these labor violations. Oh well. You’d think a state lawmaker — and House GOP Leader — would be extra careful, since his actions are fair game for public exposition. Billy Bob Faulkingham is also the first — AND ONLY — Maine lobsterman to EVER claim that a rogue wave capsized his boat and was then saved by an angel, who then let his boat sink to the bottom.
Also, while Faulkingham promotes his “lobsterman persona” on the socials, in election materials and during speeches, the reality is that the bloke is barely a part-timer. Most of his earnings actually come from his pay, benefits and the per diem he gets as Big Dude under the State House dome. Fella is too busy hobnobbing in Augusta and fellating the tobacco and Big Pharma lobbyists that fund his Faulkinghammer PAC to work year-round lobstering.
Also the guy apparently spends lots of time plotting the harassment of LGBTQ teens. Not to mention the hour-and-a-half on Sundays worshipping at his End Times cult-church, his time posting frequent Tiktok vids, plus the numerous feeding frenzies required to maintain his bulky physique.
In other chud news, Augusta School Board Candidate Nick “Corn Pop” Blanchard, who has never stepped foot aboard a lobster boat (let alone worked on a sea-going vessel) published what he thinks is my home phone number and encouraged his posse of chuds to call and harass me about Billy Bob’s victimization. Ooops, wrong digits, dummy.
Also, as I’ve written about multiple times, sternmen aboard lobster boats have it tough. Especially from a labor perspective. Their “independent contractor” paychecks are uneven and unpredictable (even more so if your captain is a dubbah), plus the self-employment tax burden for sternmen is huge and they have zero pay guarantees or workers comp. Also, sternmen lack other basic labor protections that just about every other Maine worker takes for granted. Through this lens, it’s obvious that the lobster industry is plagued with labor versus management issues. And, because of longtime special treatment, lobster captains (and other fishery skippers) are exempt from having to follow basic labor law.
Maine’s other iconic industry — blueberries — also treats the workforce poorly and resists any attempts to increase worker-safety regs. As I’ve written (and made a full-length feature film about), blueberry raking ain’t easy. And it can be hard to rake adequate blueberry bucks, especially if the farmer is a dubbah.
Also, I fully support kids participating in Maine’s “lobstering apprenticeship program.” There’s nothing wrong with young ‘uns working on a responsible adult’s lobster boat. Or, even better, having their own skiff and hauling their own traps. However, I believe that kids’ participation in the industry needs to be registered, documented and regulated. Also, the kids need good mentors who can teach them seamanship, boat handling, boat safety and environmental protection, in addition to showing them the good spots to set gear when the lobsters start to crawl. Also, the apprenticeship program needs a mandatory safety training component — taught by the Coast Guard — to reduce the risk of accident-at-sea. Because, after all, commercial fishing is one of the most dangerous industries in the world.
For the record, Billy Bob Faulkingham’s 14-year-old “sternman” was NOT part of the apprenticeship program. And there’s no way a part-timer (and dubbah) like Faulkingham should be allowed to teach an apprentice anything connected to safety, hard work and biome awareness. After all, the big guy has sunk three times and almost killed his previous sternman while friggin’ around in the surf by Turtle Island Ledges to get vids for the socials. Plus, his wharf, floats and fishhouse are embarrassingly sloppy and unkempt.
As for Lil’ Stevie Robinson, the big boss of the non-profit Maine Wire — the “media” outlet run by Maine Policy Institute — claiming that I’m a “habitual marijuana user who has very obviously fried his brain on triad weed laced with organophosphate poisons.”
Shut up, bitch. (I’m talking to you, Lil’ Steve.) I haven’t bought weed in a decade-and-a-half because of Maine’s “grow-your-own” cannabis laws. But Lil’ Stevie doesn’t know shit about cannabis (silly rabbit thinks the only illegal weed ops in Maine are run by Chinese folks) because he’s too busy harassing LGBTQ teens and platforming pedo-protecting chuds.
Besides, I don’t smoke cannabis. Quit last year after hernia surgery. These days, I occasionally vape premium hashish, made with our backyard organic flower, WITHOUT THE USE OF SOLVENTS, thanks to the Polar Vortex Extraction method, which works great during Maine’s cold snaps of frigid weather.
As for claims from Lil’ Steve and other chuds that I’m somehow in cahoots with the Mills administration OF WHICH I HAVE ZERO CONNECTION, that’s all hogwash. I’m not even a fan of Mills. Also, allegations that I’m some sort of thug for the chud-imagined “Rainbow Mafia” are ridiculous. However, if such an entity existed, I’d enlist and give ‘em my full support.
(Lil’ Steve, btw, is pissed that I reached out to him earlier this year, asking him about his mother’s pals telling me that she’s ashamed of how dirty her Bowdoin-educated son has become.)
While Billy Bob is crying like a baby about the DOL case, claiming political persecution (just like many micro-penned MAGA men) his reality is much different. The rotund legislator first learned about my complaint about him to the Maine Dept of Labor in AUGUST 2024. The initial decision came in May ’25. And then Faulkingham filed an appeal — which kept the violations and fines secret — resulting in he and his legal team testifying in November. The case remained hidden until February, when the final decision was issued. Then, last week, a Maine-based nurse perusing the DOL violations page saw Faulkingham’s name — and the $3,468 penalty — and forwarded me the link.
Then I published “EXCLUSIVE: HOUSE GOP LEADER FINED $3,468 FOR CHILD LABOR LAW VIOLATIONS” which the news-hawks at WGME read and ripped off (without attribution) which then triggered the whole media-machine madness. Which then led to Billy Bob’s minions and apologists ridiculing child labor laws, expressing their longing for the olden days when kid-work was unregulated and children were oft endangered by greedy capitalists and other baddies.
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