End Times Cult to Stage Revival at Portland Expo
Erika Kirk’s “Make Heaven Crowded” tour-stop in Maine to be hosted by local “Young Earth Creationist Church" (with at least 4 Legislative members) that believes Satan may have buried dinosaur bones.
On Friday night, May 15, the Portland Expo will be rocking with revival as magic-practicing fanatics pontificate perverted Pentecostal prophecies, along with a sideshow of faith-healing, divination and glossolalia, aka “speaking-in-tongues.”
Attendees are being promised “three or four hours of fiery preaching” and the opportunity for a public altar call so devotees can performatively express a new spiritual commitment to Jesus Christ. Most importantly, the Make Heaven Crowded event will further misconstrue Jesus’ teachings to mask the white supremacist sentiments of the Christian-Nationalist “Seven Mountain Mandate” dominionist agenda.
Also, most of the people in the audience are likely to believe the entire Universe was created about 6,000 years ago.
At least a half-dozen Maine lawmakers will be there, hands raised toward heaven, à la the Orans Posture, in order to demonstrate fealty to their gravelly-voiced preacher-leader, famous for saying stupid shit like “militant homo-fascism seeks to take over our land and make it Sodom.” And this chud-preacher, who leads a Maine-based cult with 21 cells across the state, is sponsoring the gala.
As I’ve written before, the Seven Mountains Mandate aka “7MM” is a doomsday framework followed by an alliance of radical End Timers, fueled by an urgent goal to bring Jesus Christ back to Earth so he can rule the planet for a thousand years. And these folks aren’t talking metaphorically. Their bizarre plan cumulates with the actual return — re-animation if you will — of a real life living and breathing replicate of their crucified Messiah.
Their grand scheme is quite straight-forward: Gain control of global government, religion, education, family, media, arts and entertainment and business sectors of society. Which will then trigger the End Times. And after seven crazy years of famine and pestilence, Jesus will return to Earth and rule over a brave new (post-apocalyptic) world for a millennium.
The Make Heaven Crowded tour-stop is free-to-the-first 3,000 registrants, but the current website for tickets is glitchy. And the forms for press passes wouldn’t let me select the Portland option. The event, according to TPUSA, “is a gospel centered gathering calling people to repentance, faith and bold obedience to Jesus.” Also, the lead sponsor of the tour is the “International Fellowship of Christians and Jews” a Christian-Zionist non-profit with tons of cash and anti-Palestinian goals.
Unfortunately, mainstream journalists don’t often examine the belief structure of religious movements trying to influence public policy and political discourse. Especially when it comes to End Timers. Instead, the media lazily uses the non-judgmental and catch-all “non-denominational church,” rather than the more accurate “Doomsday, anti-LGBTQ, patriarchal, prophecy-practicing bigots who don’t pay taxes and still try to influence political outcomes in clear violation of federal law.”
Contrary to the implications of the tour’s name, btw, the goal of Make Heaven Crowded IS NOT TO KILL A LOT OF CHRISTIANS. Instead, the tour is supposed to be a modern-extension to the “Great Commission” from the Gospel of Matthew when Jesus allegedly commands his posse to convert every person on the planet to Christianity and “teach them to obey” all his rules.
Jesus, however, would hate how these evangelicals twisted his words. Especially their use of homophobia, xenophobia and racism as a fundraising technique to fill their faux-Christian coffers and for extra-clout on the socials. And in light of last year’s murder of TPUSA’s founder Charlie Kirk, the Make Heaven Crowded tour also reeks of a mixture of sainthood veneration and death-cultism that’s used to enhance their End Times message.
After many years of eschatological study, by me, it’s become apparent that most End Timers actually thirst for the Final Days. I listen to multiple prophecy podcasts (so YOU don’t have to) and they are always praying for the quick return of their Savior. TOMORROW, if at all possible, would be great for the final reckoning. They long to meet their Maker ASAP and constantly talk about their dream of breaking free of the earthly strictures to reunite with dead grandparents, pets and certain celebrities. Plus the angels.
The rush for the End Times is especially curious when viewed through the Young Earth lens promoted by the cult sponsoring the Make Heaven Crowded stop at the Expo. If you add their estimated “age of Earth” plus the length of Christ’s future reign as Earth-king (more on that in a sec) before the End Times implosion, followed by the construction of a “New Heaven and Earth,” it means the length of the current Universe’s entire timeline will span just 7,000 years, give or take a couple decades.
It’s weird, of course, that Young Earthers — and certain members of the Maine legislature — believe that the universe is currently 6,000 years old. It’s been proven, in various ways using various scientific measures that Earth is very old. Which makes it ludicrous that so-called “modern” folk could believe such an absurd theory. However, according to a Gallup poll from 2024, almost 30 percent of Americans believe the Earth is younger than 10,000 years.
Yikes.
The Earth’s youngness, according to the local cult’s website, is an indisputable fact. That’s why the age of Earth is worthy of the final listing under their “What We Believe” tab. Their adherence to Young Earth and including the “6,000 years” number in their ministry’s coda (above) gives the dumb concept imprimatur legitimacy.
The 6,000 year-old mantra has a tendency to piss off a lot of Old Earth Creationists. Especially when the Old Earth Creationists see Young Earthers quote from the Bible to legitimize their belief in the young age of Earth… I mean, the Universe. Because Young Earthers literally believe the creation tale in Genesis, where the Christian and Hebrew God(s) built the entire universe in six days. Actual 24-hour days. In 144 hours, the belief goes, the entire cosmos was constructed. And to top it off, on the sixth day, God rested.
It’s tough to tell what bothers Old World Creationists more: the 6,000 year number OR the belief the Lord needed an actual day to rest. There’s a gazillion Youtube and/or Rumble videos of Old Earth Creationists vehemently disparaging both POVs. Old Earthers have crafted countless counter-arguments to Young Earth theory and love to diss Young Earthers for being so naive to think the vast universe has only been around for 2,190,000 days. All while complaining that Young Earthers make all Creationists “look stupid” in the eyes of normies.
The Young Earthers, however, dismiss the Old Earthers’ critique, then take their frustrations out on the Flat Earthers. (?!?!?!?!?!?!?) Young Earthers say the Flatsters are stupid for their use of Scripture to claim the Earth is “flat, disc-like” thing floating in water, enclosed in a solid dome. Not to dwell on Biblical cosmology, but a heads up: If anyone in your circle describes the sky as “firmament” or uses the terms “Globe Earth” or “Ice Wall,” they’re probably part of the two percent of society who mock “Spherical Earthers.”
Anyways, for our local Young Earth cult, the “6,000 years old theory” serves as a good litmus test. Those who believe the Earth is a geological baby because “the Bible says so” will also undoubtedly believe the other fantastical stories found within their sacred text. Also, these types are easily conditioned to NEVER question directives from their leader.
The Dead Bishop Society
The Young Earth Creationist theory is even a thing because these literalists believe the words (and math) of Bishop James Ussher, the Protestant “Primate of all Ireland.” Six years before his death in 1656, Bishop Ussher determined Creation happened on the evening of Sunday, October 23, 4004 B.C.
The Bishop came up with that very specific time and date after doing all sorts of research, including adding the ages of a certain Biblical lineage, from Cain to the birth of Christ on December 25th, 0000. It doesn’t take a rocket mathematician to add the years since the OG Christmas (2,026) to come up with the actual number of years since Creation: 4004 + 2026 = 6,030 years.
(Actually, 6,029 and a half years, taking into account the Bishop’s assertion that October, allegedly, was when it all began and I’m writing this at the end of February, 2026.)
Btw, that six thousand (+/-) is the age of the whole universe. Not just our planet. Every damn bit of existence, from the Big Bang to Earth-birth, outwards to the absolute edge of the void. Young Earthers interpret cryptic Biblical passages to justify the Universe’s start time, including multiple puzzling clues mentioned in Genesis and other parts of Scripture. Which, of course, is a very unscientific way to measure the age of the planet.
Young Earth Creationists are proudly anti-science, so it’s no surprise they won’t consider data from Carbon-14 dating. And don’t even mention the radiometric techniques for determining the approximate age of a rock. To the Young Earthers, measuring the radioactive decay of known elements in a rock via samarium–neodymium or even the potassium–argon dating methods might as well be the Devil’s magic.
Instead, these folks are steadfast in their belief in BIBLICAL science, mostly hyper-focussed on the Great Flood Theory, to justify their beliefs. Including the why and how of the existence of what normies call “fossils.”
Basically, after the Great Flood receded, the whole damn world was like a back road in Oxford County during mud season. To make the muck even worse, the goop-soup was chockfull with the millions of skeletons of the “reptilian” sea critters (but not sea mammals) and land-dwelling animals killed by the Great Flood. Then, according to their thesis, the mud dried and the clay-caked bones and skulls were transformed into what the libs call “fossils.”
In addition, these cultists simply deny the basic sedimental structure of Earth. For Young Earthers, the varying strata of the geological column isn’t a chronological record but more of a geographical aspect of a particular locale than an expression of time. The Biblical mud world theory, of course, doesn’t align with reality. Visit any canyon to easily view — geologically speaking — years and years of slow deposition of material. Then examine photos from recoveries from flooded disaster areas. Totally different impact.
Also, not to get too geeky about this, but how can Young Earthers dispute that ice core samples taken in the Arctic that show Earth is, at minimum, several hundred thousand years old? Counting ice crust layers — using a technique akin to “tree ring dating” — in a cored sample is pretty simple and doesn’t require the Devil’s tech or laboratories or radiation.
Unless, of course, the Devil was involved with the Arctic expeditions. Which would be plausible for many Young Earthers who battle literal demons regularly with spiritual warfare and prayerfare. And, hilariously, within the Young Earth community many believe Satan stashed the dinosaur bones that became fossils in order destroy the faith and Biblical adherence of archeologists, paleontologists and other dinophiles.
Which gets to the crux of the problem: the lack of a shared reality.
How can we discuss climate change (or Earth history) with Young Earthers? Impossible to dialogue if you can’t even agree on basic scientific facts. Especially if one side belongs to a death-cult eagerly praying for the immediate destruction and painful death for billions via the End Times and the other side is trying — for the sake of future generations — to find a way to survive on a rapidly-warming planet.
Also, I can’t stress enough about how much these Young Earthers are obsessed with their God flooding the planet around 4,350 years ago to rid of Nephilim, aka the bastard sons of Fallen Angels who mated with sexy human females. The half-breed babies, aka Nephilim, grew into bad giants who corrupted, destroyed and plundered everything everywhere. So God instructed Noah to build a large vessel to give humanity a brand new start.
(I explore the Nephilim/Noah’s Ark narrative in this Crash Report, as part of an explanation why current Augusta School Board candidate and Flat-Earther Nick “Corn Plop” Blanchard printed up a huge anti-Pride flag to fly from a visible location on State St. in Maine’s capital city to own the libs.)
The Heavenly Father chose Noah as his earthly ship captain because, according to Scripture, Noah’s blood line was Nephilim-free. In fact, according to some ancient texts, Noah’s immediate family were the very last non-hybrids on the planet with zero Fallen-Angel genomes in their DNA.
Which begs the question: If Noah’s posse’s pure-blood was required for God’s anti-Nephilim plan to work, what about his sons’ wives? Were they Nephilim-free? Unlikely, especially if Noah’s family were the last pure-bloods on Earth. Perhaps the D-I-L’s lineage had giant (literal) skeletons lurking in their family closet, which would have sabotaged God’s flood plan.
Furthermore, in breeding Fallen Angels with attractive Earth-women, we need to consider what’s known as “Haldane’s Rule,” which explains why hybrid mammals are almost always sterile. It’s akin to the situation with mules, which are the offspring of a male donkey (62 chromosomes) and a female horse (64 chromosomes). The resulting baby mule has 63 chromosomes, which is a serious impediment to reproduction, both in production of sperm and other issues.
Human women have 46 chromosomes and the number of chromosomes in Fallen Angels (and the Nephilim-babies) is heretofore unknown. The Fallen Angels, though, are eternal spiritual beings in a material world, which portends that their DNA is a little bit different.
All that to say, God’s wrath was directed towards the wrong critters. He should’ve declared war on Fallen Angels, not the Nephilim. I mean, Haldane’s Rule, duh. Eventually, the Nephilim would die, childless, and presumably, alone. But if Fallen Angels (as spiritual beings) are immortal, then they’re just gonna keep sleeping with and cross-breeding with hot human females and producing more baby giants. To be blunt: the Lord in Heaven should’ve dealt with the source of the problem, not the offspring.
As some wags have dared to note, there’s no question God’s plan to sanitize our planet of evil via water-world failed. Sure, he killed off the local giant population. But for what gain? These days, a mere 4,350 years after Noah lowered the Ark’s gangway into the corpse and bone-strewn muck, Earth is once again filled with evildoers.
I can already hear the critique from religious apologists: “Crash, it’s not fair to cherrypick religious precepts and judge a sect based upon their ‘flood-and-age-of-planet’ belief system. After all, this End Times cult has more nuanced rules than just a ‘no room for dinos on the Ark’ narrative. Truly, this church’s FUTURE is what’s important, not the relatively-recent or ancient-past.”
Of course, it’s Young Earthers’ constitutional right to believe that Earth is only six thousand years old and that a massive flood eliminated Earth’s giant population. I just don’t want believers in the Noah narrative and Nephilim to be crafting public policy in Maine.
The End is Nigh
This is where eschatology gets a little tricky for normal people to comprehend. Regarding the End Times, this cult employs cognitive dissonance, along with the suspension of logic, to justify their apocalyptic jibber-jabber and doomsday scenarios. Also, like I’ve mentioned, THEY WANT THE END TIMES TO COME ASAP!!! They’d welcome (tomorrow if possible) the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse with open arms. They yearn for the disease, famine and suffering that’s part of their beloved Biblical prophecy.
My guess: most subscribers to The Crash Report are NOT interested in the differences between the Pre-Tribulation vs Post-Tribulation Rapture. Nor would the difference between Pre-Millenial, Post-Millenial, Amillenial or (my fav) missioholism be interesting to most sane people.
All this to say, this cult — that’s paying the city of Portland $2,720 (a couple grand less than $4,950, the normal discounted non-profit rate listed by the city) to rent the Expo in mid-May — is a Pre-Millenial, Pre-Trib rapture kind of club, where believers escape into the ether above Earth when shit starts to get crazy here on terra firma.
“All believers will meet the Lord in the air,” the cult’s website proclaims, “and be taken out of this world prior to the Tribulation that will come upon the Earth.”
And then, the cult believes, they will become “the bride of Christ” complete with a white wedding gown (even for the dudes) entering some sort of Christo-gender-fluid-marriage, that lasts for seven years.
This 7-year stretch, btw, coincides with the prophecy of pestilence, plagues, natural disasters and the rise of a dictator and/or anti-Christ (with dyed hair and a 3” mushroom phallus) who demands worship, adoration, bribes, etc.
Some might think current events resemble those problems. Especially the “anti-Christ with dyed hair and a 3” mushroom phallus” part. Does that mean our current geo-political situation is akin to the prophecies in the Book of Revelation? That would track, in theory, with the Post-Tribbers’ belief system. Post-Tribbers don’t get Raptured into Heaven until AFTER the seven years of Tribulations, but prior to the Return of their Savior.
However, our cult this week, as I mentioned above, is Pre-Trib. Which means, the Rapture (as of today) hasn’t happened, as long as the four cult members prominently serving in the Maine Legislature remain here on Earth and don’t levitate to disappear into a “meeting with the Lord in the air.”
Also, it’s always important to remember the cult’s prime directive is to conquer society’s Seven Mountains in order to trigger the End Times. And, oddly, rank-and-file church members might not even be aware of that agenda. Church leaders, however, at countless locations across the U.S., are in on the plan and scheming for global domination on behalf of bringing their crucified Messiah back to life for a millenium-long reign.
Not a Five-Folder
With all the pending fire and brimstone, pastors gotta do something to keep the congregation involved and occupied, awaiting the Rapture, while convincing them that — despite the odds — they’re gonna win in the battle against demons, the devil and the atheist masses dominating the godless world.
Thus, this local cult utilizes belief in what some call the “5-Fold” ministry. Simply put, this is “Christo-Magic” because of its focus on the supernatural, including divine prophecy, healing the sick and the aforementioned speaking-in -tongues.
Five-Folders believing we’re living in miraculous times, akin to the biblical era when all sorts of mystical stuff happened on a regular basis. In a nutshell (literally), these people believe modern-day prophets (soothsayers) and apostles (divine spokesmen) walk among us and have been “gifted” the magical ability to directly communicate with the Christian God. (The other three “gifts” in the five-fold quiver are evangelist, pastor and teacher.)
The best part: there’s no certification required and you can possess multiple gifts. Anybody can declare themselves, for instance, a prophet and evangelist — or, in theory, all five — without blinking. And there are actually trade groups for apostles and pastors and even for the self-proclaimed prophets, who issue a collective annual predictions of what’s gonna happen in the near future.
Five-fold congregations also use miracles and “spiritual warfare” to battle the evil demonic enemy, both foreign and domestic, with help from the Holy Spirit. This spiritual warfare includes the tongue-speak, plus fervent praying, exorcisms, wailing, gnashing of teeth and blowing the shofar.
For those unfamiliar with the shofar, it’s a curved ram’s horn horn, traditionally blown by ancient Jews as a battle signal and was used as both a call to war and a call to freedom. (In modern Judaism, the shofar is part of synagogue services on Rosh Hashanah and at the end of Yom Kippur.) In recent years, the Christo-Nationalist and End Timers have appropriated the horn-blowing into their spiritual warfare arsenal whenever they wanna get in the mood to battle the agents of the Devil.
Interestingly, the term “5-Fold” has taken on a negative vibe in some evangelical Christian circles, due to the perception that believing your pastor speaks to Jesus, has the ability to heal the sick, can speak-in-tongues and other magick is off-putting to regular Christians who DON’T believe we’re living in miraculous times. Also, seems sort of sacrilegious and cringe.
Thus, our local cult doesn’t use 5-Fold label. Instead, they tack the same belief system under the “Holy Spirit” section of the beliefs tab. “We believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit,” their website proclaims, “and in the exercise of all biblical gifts of the Spirit according to the instructions given to us in 1 Corinthians 12-14.”
Also, and sometimes it feels like this can’t be said enough: this cult is literally literal about everything in the Bible.
“We believe in a literal Heaven and a literal Hell,” their website declares. “Those members who place their faith, hope and trust in Jesus Christ will spend eternity in Heaven with the Lord. Those who willfully reject Jesus’ free gift of salvation will spend eternity separated from the Lord in Hell.”
After the smoke of seven years of Tribulation dissipates (because this cult is Pre-Trib and Pre-Millenial), it’s time for the Second Coming of Jesus, accompanied by his bride(s) i.e. the culties who’d enjoying life as a “Bride of Christ” in “Heaven” above while Earth below had descended into turmoil and terror. Next: a triumphant and glorious return, aka, Judgement Day, when Jesus sits on a “Throne of Judgement” and facilitates a one-on-one performance review on every single human who ever existed.
If Earth actually reaches this point, the next millennium is pretty sweet, for the cultists, thanks to the restoration of Israel and Jesus taking his rightful place as Earth Ruler. During this period, Jesus is a real physical being, living and governing, with a velvet glove and love. For a thousand years, a theocracy!
Then, in a weird ceremony, Jesus (and presumably his father with an assist by the Holy Ghost) do some planetary destructive/constructive magic and form a fresh joint, tentatively (and unimaginably) called “New Heaven and Earth,” which, to me, sounds like an assisted-living-to-grave community in Florida.
Also, depending on your brand of End Timing, the baddies might end up burning in the Lake of Fire for eternal torment. Or, if you subscribe to the Annihilationism way of thought, all the bad humans, Fallen Angels and Satan will be totally destroyed by God terminating their consciousness and extinguishing the soulfire within.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. What are the chances the 7 MM cultists in Maine could even gain control of the government and the other six mountains of society necessary to trigger the End of Days?
Fideism will be the Death of US
Fideism is a philosophical Christian doctrine claiming “faith” is superior to “reason” in determining “Truth.” Fideists are hostile to reason, and by extension, logic, proof, experimentation and re-creatable conclusions and outcomes. The Fideistic philosophy — à la anti-vaxxers, climate change denialists and other anti-scientism — is already running rampant in modern America. And due to Trump’s attacks on colleges and universities (fueled by his evangelical handlers), we’ll experience stalling and setbacks domestically while global efforts to scientifically deal with climate crisis and catastrophe move on without us.
Fideists, not surprisingly, don’t refer to themselves as such. Instead, they self-identify as “non-denominational Christians.” Or in the case of our local cult, more specifically, the fideists belong to the multitudes of “Calvary Chapels.”
In the Pine Tree State, almost two-dozen Calvary Chapels have been “planted” by Senior Pastor Ken Graves, who has the local exclusive franchise for the Christian-Nationalist sect. This is the aforementioned gravelly-voiced and tattoed preacher who carries a Bible in a purse/holster on his belt who sued (and lost) the State of Maine over COVID-restrictions in the early days of the pandemic that prohibited gathers of over 10 people. Graves filed the legal challenge to Gov. Janet Mills’ pandemic precautions because he was pissed that in Maine, weed and booze was still for sale, but in-person magic services at his cultic headquarters in the Penobscot County town of Orrington were not.
(Gotta be careful when using the word “Calvary" when you’re talking about places of worship. Joints that use the moniker “Calvary Chapel” belong to the Young Earth cult with a couple dozen branches, listed here, run by Pastor Graves in Maine. CC's are non-denominational, but belong to a national network of autonomous, self-governing churches with shared beliefs. And in Maine, Graves is top dawg. However, Calvary Baptist Hill Church in Wilton, Calvary Baptist in Turner, Calvary Bible in Hiram, Calvary Pentecostal in Madison, Calvary United Methodist in Lewiston, Calvary Apostolic in Hampden, Calvary Bible-Baptist in Whitefield and Calvary Gospel Assembly up in the County aren’t connected to the Graves-group. I don’t know if any of those churches believe in the Young Earth theory, though.)
In addition to being a pompous preacher who loves to use statements like “militant homofascism seeks to take over our land and make it Sodom,” Graves works with the “American Renewal Project,” an avowed Seven Mountains Mandate org that tries to convince Christian-Nationalist pastors to run for office. Graves, as anyone in his cult will be sure to tell you, allegedly “spearheaded” the national movement to remove the division between church and state. All as part of the 7MM to trigger the End Times.
To be blunt, I can’t stand the sound of this dude’s voice. And, over the years, I’ve forced myself to listen Grave’s sermonizing on several occasions. But I gotta say, my ears quickly tire with his style of discordant hucksterism. When I tried to listen to his recent speechifying about the now-dead Charlie Kirk, I lasted a mere five minutes.
Graves, btw, claims to have been pals with Kirk. Not for a long time, according to the pastor, but a short and meaningful friendship. So it’s no surprise that Pastor Graves will be front and center on the Portland Expo’s stage, spewing his sonorous scratchings for the Turning Point USA Faith’s Make Heaven Crowded circus in May.
The Saboteurs
You’re probably wondering which four (at least) Maine lawmakers belong to Graves/Young Earth cult. First and foremost (for this Crash Report) is State Rep. Reagan Paul, the 26-year-old End Timer from Winterport who attends Calvary Chapel in Belfast. Joining Paul at Sunday services in Belfast is Asst. Republican House Leader, State Rep. Katrina Smith. Also belonging to the Young Earth cult are the husband-wife lawmaking duo from Hampden, Sen. David Haggan and Rep. Kimberly Haggan, both of whom worship under Graves at the cult headquarters in Orrington.
(A brief aside: Reps. Paul and Smith, along with their Calvary Chapel Belfast pastor, were very upset last year after the University of Maine backed out of a deal with Calvary Chapel to sell the now-closed Hutchinson Center to the cult. Calvary Chapel sought the help of Liberty Counsel — the same law firm “ministry” that sued Maine on behalf of Ken Graves over the weed and booze sales during COVID — to sue UMaine, “claiming evidence of religious animus and numerous irregularities in the bidding process.” Calvary Chapel has lost each step of the suit so far. The First Circuit Court of Appeals listened to both sides during a Nov. 2025 appeal hearing and hasn’t yet issued a ruling. However, I listened to the audio from the half hour proceedings and the judges didn’t seem impressed with the Church’s lawyer’s argument.)
As regular Crash Report readers might remember, Rep. Paul is part of the coterie of Maine Christian-Nationalist lawmakers who refuse to return about $100k in contributions from MAGA conman Brant Frost (a Charlie Kirk podcast advertiser) who has admitted to bilking millions from investors in a Ponzi scheme. Despite being told by Georgia Secretary of State to return the stolen lucre, neither Rep. Paul nor the other Maine pols have returned the cash. According to campaign finance records, Paul received and kept $2,850 in pilfered funds from Frost and his family for her 2024 race. Her campaign account is still active with a current balance of $14,379. Which means the state rep from Winterport could pony up the cake to pay the debt, as I’m sure her Savior would prefer.
Also, Rep. Paul is currently the lead spokesperson — in Maine — for the nuclear power cartel. Which is pretty crazy for several reasons.
First (and I should cut Paul a little slack on this initial point because Maine Yankee closed in 1996, four years before the state rep was even born) but Mainers have already decided NO NUKES. Secondly, it’s ironic that the loudest proponent for local nukes also believes the Earth is merely 6,000 years old. Wut? The half life of plutonium is 24,100 years or four times the alleged age of the planet. How the heck does that square with the pro-nuclear Young Earth’s Biblical world view? Except, of course, her dream for the End of Days might be sped up if we suddenly had a bunch of small modular nuclear reactors into Maine.
Anyways, Paul made a special speech at the TPUSA-Faith monthly meeting at the cult’s Westbrook hangout. During which, Paul expounded on the need for more cult members to get involved in the political process. Also, she bragged about how much power the End Times cultists have in the legislature. Heck, according to Paul, serial fabulist and House Minority Leader Billy Bob Faulkingham who belongs to an End Times church in Sullivan is cult-philosophy-friendly. So is Senate Minority Leader Trey Stewart. (We’ll return to Stewart in a sec.)
Gotta say, I don’t recommend watching the vid unless you’re a glutton for boring punishment. She’s not a charismatic speaker — at all — and her “God Created Government” schtick is annoying. Also, her overall spiel is a little frightening, when you realize Paul is just mimicking what her cult leader and other 7MM leaders say over and over to convince mental midgets that taking over society will bring back Jesus.
The second-term rep from Winter Harbor began her soliloquy with the tale of how she decided to seek a seat in the Legislature. Short version: God told her to run. At the time, she was a 22-year-old Christian high school girls basketball coach with an ETSY store.
“It was an undeniable call on my soul,” she told the Westbrook audience on Jan. 22. “I was sitting in a church in southern Maine and felt this wave of God’s presence wash over me. And I heard in my soul, basically, God telling me, ‘Smarten up. Stop procrastinating. Stop doubting and just trust me. Well, that was my turning point. I didn’t wanna run for office, but how could I deny something I heard so clear from the Lord. Especially when it made no sense at all.”
And, with God as her campaign manager, she couldn’t fail, apparently, winning her first race for House District 37 by 222 votes. Her secret weapon? During her speech, she bragged how, contrary to her GOP advisors’ advice, her campaign literature included the words “Principled conservative and Pro-life” and how she wanted a “personhood amendment” added to the Maine Constitution to ban abortion.
(Her second campaign — in 2024 — yielded slightly better results, securing her victory by 557 votes. Oddly, according to state records, Paul has yet to register her campaign for re-election to her third term. Which has fueled speculation that she’s gonna challenge incumbent state Sen. Chip Curry. However, there are also rumors she’s moving to points North, out of her district. More on that in a bit. )
In summary, she said, “God had a crazy plan for this girl from Winterport.”
From the start of her first term in the Legislature, she knew the State House was possessed by evil and viewed lawmaking as “spiritual warfare disguised as public policy.” She also framed her ongoing legislative battles as “Christ vs chaos.”
“One of the greatest lies the Enemy has sold the American church is that Christians and the Church should stay out of politics,” she complained to the crowd. “That lie had neutered the Church and silenced many pastors and created a power vacuum that is now filled with wickedness.”
The aforementioned “enemy,” mentioned by Paul includes the Devil, Satan, flocks of Demons and the bands of Fallen Angels roaming the Earth impregnating attractive Christian humanoids in order to produce an army of Earth giants. (A question, in certain circles, is whether Baron Trump is Nephilim.)
“We hear the word government and we think ‘swamp in D.C., bureaucrats and corruption.’ A lot of that’s true. But government is God’s idea,” said the 2020 graduate of Liberty University’s on-line Bible college. According to Paul, her God created three branches of government… but not, according to her, the executive, legislative and judicial branches. “The family. The church and civil government. All three are ordained by Him,” Paul told the crowd. “Not one of them is optional. And not one of them is inherently evil.”
However, Christians need to take action to re-claim God’s government.
“Civil government is meant to be God’s avenging angel of righteousness. Civil government,” she insisted, “is a minister of God. Running for office or serving in government is no less spiritual than being a pastor or raising a family or building a business.”
Yeah. Okay. Says the woman who was selling baby-bottles with bullets in her on-line emporium.
“The Biblical purpose of government,” the state rep explained, “is to reward good and punish evil. But how can civil government restrain evil when Christians refuse to participate.”
Also, apparently, Paul is an armchair theologian with the ability to label heresy when she sees it. “Churches staying OUT of government is wrong and heresy,” she said . Also, she rejects “the faulty notion there should be a separation between church and state.”
Wowza.
“I’d like to share with you something from my campaigns that may surprise you,” the state rep went on to tell the receptive church crowd. “The most discouraging doors I knocked on were not the hardcore leftists. Yep, there were plenty of those. The ones who screamed in my face, slammed doors, called me names, threw things at me, and people who despised I’m a conservative Christian woman and were absolutely unapologetic about it. Those were not the hardest encounters. You want to know who the hardest doors were? Christians. People who said things to me like, ‘I agree with you. You have my vote, but please leave. I do not want my neighbors seeing me talk to you.’ Or, ‘I can’t put your sign on my lawn. I don’t want to look political.’ Or, ‘I don’t want to upset anybody. I just want to focus on the gospel.’ I had a pastor in my district who wouldn’t even put one of my signs on his yard because he was afraid for his 501c3 status even though the sign was at his house and not the church.”
In effect, Paul went on to blame her fellow “weak Christians” for the legislative failures that she claimed currently allows babies to be murdered (lie) and prostitution to be half-legal in Maine. (?!?!?) Statistically, she claimed, if 2,150 more Christians voted in 2022, the GOPers would’ve been victorious and prevented many baby-murders. In 2024, she said, they lost the chance to become the majority by a mere 60 votes.
(Her “more Christian voters means chud victory” theory may technically be true, but it’s not as easy as Paul might think. In Maine, one of the least religious states in the Union, these new “Christian voters” have to be scattered strategically to various legislative districts to make a difference. Which, unless there’s a willing bunch of Bible Thumpers to move into Maine’s progressive strongholds, ain’t gonna happen. Plus, those numbers need further adjusting to account for the annual culling of GOP voters by the Grim Reaper. )
However, Paul wasn’t all doomsday and gloom. According to her, Maine Republicans have a chance to seize control of the Legislature this November.
“The Maine Legislature is ready for harvest,” Paul proclaimed from the pulpit. “We also have strong Christian candidates stepping up to run across the state. And both the House Republican leader and the Senate Republican leader are both born again Christians. Is everything fixed? No. Is the battle over? Uh, absolutely not. But there is hope. God is not finished with the state of Maine. Our hope is not in comfort. It is not in safety. Our hope is in Christ who has already overcome. And if he has overcome the world, then we can endure the world’s hatred for the sake of obedience to him.”
Speaking of her revealing the Senate Republican leader as born-again. That, btw, is a recent development, according to State Sen. Harold “Trey” Stewart’s socials. And, oddly, the minority leader’s return to Bible-thumping was the direct result of an unknown “someone” challenging him to read the entire Bible, from front to back. Which he did during the entirety of 2025.
Then, in early 2026, Rep. Paul proclaimed, on her socials, that she was now in love with Sen. Stewart. Which makes them the second “End Times, Cross-Chambered Legislative Couple” who believe Earth is 6,000 year old.
Except, as I mentioned earlier, Paul still hasn’t taken out re-election papers. State House scuttlebutt, apparently, includes hints that Paul will sell her Waldo County farmhouse to head North, to Aroostook County, to shack up with her prayer-buddy and fellow Biblical scholar, Sen. Stewart. That move, of course, would probably require nuptials since any less holy co-housing arrangement would irk their Pastor.
Other speculation about Paul’s future involves her auditioning to work for a group like Turning Point USA. That’s why, some wags hypothesized, Paul introduced legislation last month — which was approved without a vote because Maine Dems worried opposing the measure would make them look bad — “JOINT RESOLUTION TO HONOR THE LIFE, FAITH, LEADERSHIP AND LEGACY OF CHARLES “CHARLIE” JAMES KIRK.”
I’ve posted the entire proclamation below but CONTENT WARNING: Hagiographic musings about a dead chud ahead.
Anyways, it’ll be interesting to see if Sen. Stewart end up abandoning his current “United Baptist Church Mars Hill” and joining a Calvary Chapel chapter, instead. Problem is, most members of the United Baptist Churches are “Old Earth Creationists.” And for Stewart to join his gal’s congregation, he’s gonna have to reject that theory and embrace Young Earthism.
Hmm. The things a fella does for love.
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