On Thursday, Sept. 10, the state representative for House District 77 in the western foothills was out pressing the flesh, rural Maine style. Around here, that means driving house-to-house-to-house, hoping and praying a voter is home.
A little past noon, Tammy Schmersal-Burgess pulled her minivan into a nondescript driveway in the town of Livermore. She ignored several signs proclaiming “private property, no soliciting, loitering or trespassing” and continued up to the end of the driveway.
And then she stopped the minivan. But didn’t get out.
Perhaps that was the moment she remembered an unpleasant interaction — and the subsequent order never to come back — from this particular homeowner. “She came here during the last election,” the resident told me, “and began to get argumentative when asked questions. So she was told to leave and not return. They don’t care. They’re on their mission to get votes. They care about the votes but not the people or the causes.”
So the state rep stayed in her van, deciding NOT to leave her printed door-hanger begging for a vote. However, for some reason, she didn’t turn around or back out of the voter’s driveway.
Instead, she decided to explore an alternate route, taking a left onto and across the voter’s lawn and side yard and then onto the driveway of the next property owner. Then, the state rep took another left, back out to the main road. As you can see in the video below, provided to me by the homeowner.
Wut?
Thing is, the “lawn” Schmersal-Burgess used as a shortcut was more than a lawn. It was the aging leachfield for the voter’s 45-year-old septic system.
If you don’t own a house in rural Maine with an aging septic system, you might not understand why “driving across the leachfield” is bad. Simply put: you don’t drive over ‘em. The weight of a vehicle can damage the septic system by crushing buried pipes, compacting soil and other negs that result in costly repairs and lots of digging. These particular landowners don’t even drive their riding mower over the area in order to stave off problems with their micro-sewage treatment plant.
However, equally important to the state rep possibly damaging a constituent’s leachfield is Schmersal-Burgess’ blatant disregard for private property rights by driving by — and ignoring — the clearly posted no trespassing signs. Out here in rural Maine, we take such matters seriously. The message is clear: If you’re not invited, you’re not welcome. Capeesh?
Needless to say, the homeowner/voter was not happy to find out about Schmersal-Burgess’ visit and subsequent joyride across their lawn. So they called the state rep and left a message. And in case the septic system is actually damaged, the homeowner also called the local cops to get it on the record that a trespasser — the local state rep — drove over the leach-field. (As of today, the police haven’t responded.)
To Schmersal-Burgess’ credit, she called back and apologized. “She said, ‘I saw the signs on your house but not on the poles and that’s why I left,’” the homeowner told me. “She said ‘I am guilty, I am sorry, I don’t know why I did that.’”
Okay. Still gotta wonder why she drove by the signs. Does she think that those rules don’t apply to her? Or is she just a numbskull? Or both?
Hard telling.
Dumb and Dumber
You might forgive such behavior if the bad driver was a confused geriatric mistakingly allowed behind the wheel OR if the legislator was an amazing asset to the state of Maine.
Hahahhaha.
Every legislative session, I like to take a close look at Schmersal-Burgess’ contributions and achievements. I do it for the lulz and because it’s easy. Her efforts and impact are less than zero. She’s been in office for four years and introduced a total of three bills.
A quick perusal of LD 499 – “An Act to Prohibit Geoengineering” might make you lol. This silly bill called for a $10k daily fine, plus a misdemeanor charge, for anyone caught trying to modify the weather “for the purpose of counteracting climate change.” Kind of weird since Schmersal-Burgess - a member of an End Times Christian cult that embraces homophobia and other conservative principles - is a climate change skeptic. No one, though, has ever accused Schmersal-Burgess of being logical.
Another head scratcher is her sole legislative victory in the last four years: “An Act to Allow a Home Distiller to Distill and Share Homemade Spirituous Liquor” which became law without the governor’s signature in July of last year. What follows is the bill’s official explainer, probably written by somebody else on behalf of Schmersal-Burgess.
“This bill allows the owner of a home distillery to produce distilled spirits solely for personal use, including, but not limited to, personal consumption, serving the product to the owner’s family members and guests to be consumed on the premises where the home distillery is located or shipping the product to the owner’s family members and friends.
The bill prohibits the owner of a home distillery from having on the premises stills ordistilling apparatuses that have a mash capacity of more than 15.5 gallons; producing more than 24 gallons of distilled spirits per person 21 years of age or older residing on the premises where the home distillery is located in a calendar year; producing more than 48 gallons in a calendar year; or selling or offering for sale any spirits produced in the home distillery. The bill specifies that a violation of these provisions is a Class E crime.”
Not sure why this important piece of legislation was sponsored by my local Bible-thumping solon. However, this law would appear to be anti-constitutional. Why can the government and Schmersal-Burgess limit home distillers to a mere 48 gallons annually? I’m pretty sure the Founders didn’t intend such governmental encroachment.
And I’m not even gonna try to explain LD 712, “An Act to Clarify the Relationship Between Palliative Care Physicians and Hospital Physicians.” But here’s what Schmersal-Burgess submitted to the Legislature.
“This bill requires the Palliative Care and Quality of Life Interdisciplinary Advisory Council to make recommendations to require hospitals treating patients under the care of a palliative care physician to defer to the palliative care physician and the patient when making treatment decisions.”
Yeah, whatever. This legislation was DOA and given an “ought not to pass” verdict in committee and never made it to a vote. Not sure what the point of this bill was, but I’m sure it was either sketchy anti-vaxxer garbage or just plain dumb.
Or both.
In addition, in the last four years, Schmersal-Burgess has also introduced 47 legislative “Sentiments,” including numerous “Happy Birthday” wishes and a plethora of sentiments for each member of the Canton Fire Department for receiving the "Spirit of America Foundation Award.” But those are purely ceremonial actions, not realpolitik.
Maine taxpayers, btw, have paid Schmersal-Burgess about $100,000 in the last four years for all her hard work on behalf of the voters in my neck of the woods.
What’s a lawmaker?
Author’s note: I wrote the following in Nov. 2022 following a phone call with then-candidate Schmersal-Burgess.
After losing the 2020 election, MAGA influencers like Steve Bannon and QAnon idol Mike Flynn encouraged angry followers to run for local office. That’s why transphobic and racist dog whistles have become the standard rhetoric of Maine GOPers seeking seats in the Legislature. Consider the Republican candidate for District 77 in western Maine, where I live: The first sentence on the flyer Tammy Schmersal-Burgess dropped off at my house last week included this call to arms: “Maine people must fight now to retain the culture and values bestowed upon us by our forefathers.”
Then, a couple days later, I received a personalized letter from white supremacist and homophobic disinfomaniac, former state rep. Larry Lockman, endorsing Schmersal-Burgess, calling her a patriot “who signed the Maine First Agenda pledge.” More on Lockman later, but he spent two grand mailing his hate-and-fundraising letter to me and other un-enrolled and GOP voters in District 77.
Curious to know if Schmersal-Burgess actually signed Lockman’s fash-pledge, I gave her a jingle and, after identifying myself as a voter in her district, as well as a writer and podcaster, I asked if we could talk about her run for office. She agreed and I began with a routine softball question.
Crash Barry: First of all, why are you running? I’m curious. I always want to know why someone wants to be a lawmaker?
Tammy Schmersal-Burgess: Wants to be a what?
CB: I’m always curious to know why someone wants to be a lawmaker. So why are you running?
TSB: A lawmaker? I never heard it put like that.
CB: A lawmaker? You’ve never heard of it?
TSB: I just never heard it put like that. I am a local person. I lived in Maine my whole life. And the way things are going, put your head in the sand and pretend it’s all going by or step up and try to make a difference…I know there are a lot of bills that are passed that are really ridiculous. That’s not what we need. We need common sense and people looking out for the small guy.
CB: When you say there are laws being passed you don’t believe in, can you give me an example of that?
TSB: Bills. Bills. I never heard of them as laws.
CB: You know a bill turns into a law after the legislature approves it?
TSB: Yeah, pretty much. And some of them are stupid.
CB: Like what? Give me some examples of that?
TSB: You know, I really can’t at the moment.
Then, a male voice in the background, presumably her husband, chimes in. “How about the beer one?” the male voice suggests.
“The beer one?” she said with a laugh. “Yeah, that was stupid. So former state rep John Patrick passed a law on the head of beer.”
CB: Say that again?
TSB: Yeah, John Patrick passed a law that had to do with the head on a beer glass.
CB: Who passed that law?
TSB: John Patrick.
CB: You’re saying he introduced a bill? Because he doesn’t pass laws. The legislature would have to vote on it.
TSB: It did pass.
CB: So the Legislature approved it?
TSB: Yes, it did pass. It was about the head of a beer. And I thought it was silliest thing ever.
After our conversation, I googled this alleged “beer head” law. Turns out, Schmersal-Burgess was wrong about the details of LD 122, introduced in 2015 by former state rep. John Patrick. The legislation would have mandated bars and restaurants use actual 16 ounce glasses when billing patrons for a pint. The proposal basically prohibited the use of 14 ounce “cheater pints” whenever a menu uses the term pint.
And, contrary to Schmersal-Burgess’s belief, LD 122 didn’t mandate beer head size. Regardless, despite passage by both the House and Senate with support of Republicans, then-Governor LePage vetoed the legislation, and Senate Republicans flipped on their earlier yay votes, meaning the veto stood.
Back to our conversation, I brought up the letter from Lockman and his support for her as an anti-immigration patriot who signed his fash-pledge.
“Is that true that you signed the Maine First Agenda Pledge?” I asked.
“Now, that was to ensure there was no higher taxes?” she asked, sounding confused.
I told her that it was not about taxes (more on that in a second), but that the pledge was from Lockman and the Maine First Project, and included a laundry list of Lockman’s xenophobic dreams.
Schmersal-Burgess paused, then said, “So I will tell you. Being a first time running and just being human, I’m not a politician. I just feel that I’m a decent human being and I have common sense. I am not a politician. Nor do I want to be. So, I did fill out some stuff in the beginning and then I was advised not to because of entrapment. Not knowing what I was doing [sic] to be honest with you. And Larry, that name doesn’t sound familiar to me.”
“So you’re telling me that you don’t know Larry Lockman?” I asked.
“And you aren’t familiar with the Maine First Project?”
Schmersal-Burgess said that over the course of the campaign, she’s met lots of people and heard lots of names. “I am unaware of [[Lockman’s flyer.]] But Maine First Project…kind of rings a bell a little bit but not enough for me to know what it’s about.”
At this point, she was getting antsy and wanted to know if I was Republican or Democrat. Un-enrolled, I said.
“I figured you’d say that,” she replied.
I could tell our phone call wasn’t going to last much longer and I had questions about her “Eight Point Plan” for Maine touted on her campaign literature. Specifically, number six, her plan to “pass the Taxation Burden to Visitors.”
“How would you tax just tourists?” I asked.
“When you go to another state, you get taxed,” she said.
“How?” I asked.
“It happens.”
“How?” I asked again.
“I’m not sure. but I’m pretty sure that when ever you go anywhere, you get a tourist [tax]. I don’t know if states put in. But we don’t do that in Maine. I know if we go to Florida, you pay a gas tax or it’s there somewhere. I’ll have to study it further.” She went on to say, from what I could tell, that she favored a new tourist tax on RVs or houses or rentals, all based upon drivers licenses. However, the more she spoke, it became apparent she hadn’t done her research and that passing the “Taxation Burden onto Visitors” was magical thinking.
(Oddly enough, despite her wanting a new “tourist tax,” one pledge that Schmersal-Burgess is on the record taking is a “no new taxes” pledge put forth by anti-taxer Grover Norquist and the Americans for Tax Reform. Schmersal-Burgess is one of 53 Maine legislative candidates, plus Paul LePage, promising Norquist to “oppose and vote against any and all efforts to increase taxes.”)
Moving on, I asked about number seven on her agenda, concerning sex ed in Maine’s public schools. Reading from Schmersal-Burgess’ campaign lit, I said, “‘No discussions relating to sexuality should be tolerated coming from anyone, other than a student’s parents, without the express written consent of the parents for every discussion.’ So do you want to pass a law requiring teachers to get permission to teach sex education?”
“I don’t see anything wrong with that, Crash,” she said, “do you?”
From there, our conversation got a little heated. She considered my attempts at getting her to clarify that statement as argumentative, so she declined to answer any more questions. Instead, she repeatedly asked if I had children. When I replied no, she said, “then you will have a different input on this.” Then she said she wasn’t gonna argue with me and hung up.
So I called her back and, amazingly, she answered and told me she wasn’t gonna argue. I told her I didn’t want to argue, I just wanted her to answer questions I had for her about her campaign literature and her running as a clean elections candidate. She agreed to call me back that evening.
Not surprisingly, she didn’t.
So I returned to her campaign literature for more insight about her agenda. (caps lock, check marks and punctuation by her.)
I WILL ALSO WORK TO INFLUENCE AND ACCOMPLISH THE FOLLOWING IN AUGUSTA, WASHINGTON D.C. AND ALL OVER OUR COUNTRY
√ Lower inflation so we all can put food on the table.
√ Close the border to illegals and stop the flow of drugs killing our children
√ Restore energy independence and lower energy costs
√ Stop crime, lock up criminals, and respect police
√ Restore control of schools and children to parents
√ Stop the woke agenda wherever it rears its ugly head
After our conversation and re-reading all her literature, it’s painfully obvious that Schmersal-Burgess is simply regurgitating Trumpist talking points that are sure to attract the CHUD vote. Which got me wondering: how many other MAGA-wannabes are on the ballot?
Due to the dearth of real media coverage of most of Maine legislative races, most candidates go unchallenged about their extremist views and lack of basic understanding of how the Legislature works.
The Sun-Journal, for instance, sent Schmersal-Burgess their standard candidate survey. In addition to requesting basic personal facts and work history, the newspaper provided two banal writing prompts: 1. Define what “success” would look like if you are elected to serve your district. 2. Characterize your view on public access to governmental business.
No surprise, Schmersal-Burgess declined to answer the questionnaire.
Sharp as a sack of wet mice, numb as a plate of corned hake
Schmersal-Burgess is clearly following orders. From who? I dunno, but there’s gotta be a puppet-master involved, because it’s doubtful Schmersal-Burgess could find her way around the State House, let alone figure out the Legislature’s rules and regulations.
Wondering if Schmersal-Burgess’ handler is former incumbent state rep Dick Pickett, the Trump-licking ex-cop and police chief who handpicked Schmersal-Burgess as his replacement in 2022. Prior to that, Pickett’s big claim to fame was fighting efforts to provide menstrual hygiene products to female inmates locked up in Maine’s prisons.
Or maybe her controller is my pal Billy Bob Faulkingham, the soon-to-be ex-House GOP leader and serial liar. Faulkingham, as longtime Crash Report readers know, totally made up the dramatic story of a rogue wave flipping his boat, then being saved by an angel and then by his cousin off the coast of Winter Harbor. The reality: Billy Bob was friggin’ around in the surf near Turtle Island, hit a ledge and nearly killed his sternman. Then his boat sank.
Schmersal-Burgess is also very active on the socials. She loves to post memes and missives that re-enforce her Faux-Christian world view: COVID was a hoax, immigration is bad and Obama was a racist. Weird, since given the chance, Schmersal-Burgess would eagerly jump at the opportunity to lick the boots of her pedophiliac war criminal president.
Meanwhile, her constituents worry about how they’re gonna afford six dollar a gallon home heating oil this winter. But for Schmersal-Burgess, that financial burden is just the price Americans will pay to avoid holding the MAGA-Epstein class responsible for their crimes against humanity, young women and children. Because, according to the GOP, Rep. Schmersal-Burgess and the other pedo-protectors, laws are for thee, not for me.
Since our local media is basically dead, I don’t know much about Schmersal-Burgess’ opponent in November’s general election. His name is Arlie “Chip” Hetrick and, apparently, he’s a bridge painter, a Union member and an ice fisherman.
And, I’m guessing, he’s a helluva lot smarter than Schmersal-Burgess.
Which isn’t hard, that’s for sure.
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