Who’s Your Piggy?

You have the rare opportunity to purchase the best pork on Planet Earth, via my annual porcine CSA. Act now, before it’s too late.

Pigs love eating in the rain.

Been super busy on the land, with three new pigs and 30 broiler chickens showing up this month. Plus, I’ve been working non-stop, practically, on FAKE SHAMAN, my new true crime podcast that will be coming out very soon.

Been delayed, slightly, on releasing the podcast because the deeper I dig, the story gets more bizarre about the 37-year-old white woman from Connecticut who moved to Maine with dollar signs in her eyes and psychedelic mushrooms in her Coach bag. Not only that, I’ve been diving deep into shamanic history and practices. And the more I learn, the more I understand how fake the Fake Shaman actually is.

“This podcast is about, but not limited to, the discussions of angels, witches, con-artists, multi-dimensional evil entities, ayahuasca, spiritual bypass, psilocybin, stillbirth, business coaching, creepers, datura, Shipabo, black magick, glamour magick, histrionic personality disorder, DARVO, flower essences, kambo, the Galactic Federation, parasite cleanses, voodoo dolls, decalcification of the third eye, sananga, hape, astrology, gene keys, human design, singing bowls, the 21st dimension, lymphatic elixirs, hypnosis, multi-level marketing, Neurolinguistic Programming, Volkswagen, lactation cookies, Georgia and Maine.”

To be sure, this is weirdest story I’ve ever reported…

All that to say, I’ve got two half-pigs for sale. Critters will be harvested in November. DM for details, including how you can come visit your pig once this summer. Read below, The Crash Report from last spring explaining how the pigs work and play in the foothills of western Maine.

Don’t let the cute face fool you, in 2023 this pig disrupted the farming industrial complex.

Thirteen of the last 15 years, Fourteen of the last 16 years, since moving to this magical spot in the western Maine foothills, I’ve been raising pigs. Usually three at a time, annually, because a trio of hogs can get a lot done, land-clearing-wise. That’s what they’re here to do: Root and dig. Roll, and wallow in the mud. As you can see in my short film from 2022 entitled Three Pigs and a Frog.

The pigs’ job is simple. Help us re-claim long-abandoned pastures and help create gardens and grazing meadows for our yet-to-be born dairy cow. Added bonus: freezers full of fine food.

Here’s how it usually goes. After I clear a section of ancient-field-turned-forest (by felling and bucking trees, then splitting and stacking ‘em for our firewood), the pigs get to work ripping up roots and chomp-chomping saplings.

E-fences are the easy way to delineate boundaries.

With their powerful hog-snouts, they turn the soil, over and over and over again. For our friends, it is endless fun to endlessly dig for treats to eat.

Topsoil, rotting stumps and forgotten logs all are snack bars, full of grubs, ants, worms and other delicacies. Our pigs have a food-and-fun-filled life. Guaranteed.

Stumps also double as excellent back scratchers for our porcine colleagues.

In 2021, these pigs had the time of their lives.

Their tenure here on the land is short. In late April, they arrive as two-month old piglets, then work and wallow all summer.

During the summer of 2023, the team wallowed extensively.

When fall comes, they feast on acorns, corn stalks and other garden harvest leftovers. Meanwhile the goats, their comrades-in-the-eternal-struggle (labor vs. management), observe, knowing what the future portends.

Fern and Juniper (the goats) were still babies in the fall of 2022.

And when the nights grow colder, in mid-autumn, they depart.

For us, the fateful trip is always on a Friday when we haul them to the local abattoir and they are quickly and efficiently dispatched. Then, via knife, saw and grinder, they are transformed into nourishment. And lots of it.

For me, raising pigs is a win-win-win. I’m grateful to have worked with these critters and witnessed them utilize their tremendous porcine energy. And I’m overwhelmingly appreciative of the amazing morsels, including lots of sausage: breakfast, hot Italian and our limited-edition chorizo, seasoned with our own special secret spice blend.

Clover the farm manager inspects the 2023 bounty.

Thanks to the pigs, our freezer is always full of pork. From fresh steaks (properly marinated, better than beef-steak on the grill) plus dozens of delicious inch-and-a-quarter chops and substantial succulent shoulders perfect for pulled pork. (An extra bonus is the multiple racks of delicious ribs.)

And I’m not even talking about the bacon.

This slice of delicious bacon was raised and eaten during the 2020 pandemic.

Anyway, I’m not telling you this to make you hungry. (Or mad, if you are one of The Crash Report’s vegan readers or don’t eat flesh for other reasons.)

I’m telling you this because I have two half-pig CSAs available for purchase in 2025 in 2026. FYI: a 1/2 pig fills a standard-sized freezer or a compact chest freezer. Buyers are invited to a singular visit with their pig this summer. Reserve now to ensure your own ample supply of the world’s best pork. DM for price sheet and details.